Why do all my boyfriends have girlfriends?

You know that guy that you see every day without knowing him? The One all your girlfriends refer to as “your boyfriend”? The One you may or may not have talked to yet? The One who you will probably eventually hook up with. The One who you find out has a girlfriend. Not of course until you have already slept with or messed around with in some way, even if it is harmless flirting. Now you’re getting it. “Oh yeah,” you’re probably thinking, “that ass hole from so and so’s party”. Well, rest assured, it’s happened to just about every girl from the age of puberty to the age of... well, how old are you now?

I myself can count on two hands the number of times it has happened to me. However, the ones I am about to tell you are the most memorable.

My first account was New Year’s Eve 2002. Before we went out that night, we decided to get smashed and then pay a lot less in alcohol at the New Year’s show. By the time we got there, it was safe to say we were drunk, and under a fair amount of other influences. My roommate, who at the time was trying to get an internship at a local music store, had spotted their tent and immediately started schmoozing. After taking quick surveillance of the two gentlemen behind the table, I quickly narrowed in on my goal. Feeling a little woozy, I helped myself to a chair behind the table right beside my future. After flirting for a while I quickly alerted him of my discovery that he was ha-hot. He agreed with me and then returned the compliment. Realizing that I already had it in the bag, I inched forward and began kissing him. After what seemed like hours, my hand drifted towards his pockets and then underneath. After some more intimate moments, I glanced down and something shiny caught my eye. In my head I thought, either I’m really far gone, or he’s married. As far gone as I was, I do distinctly remember him then saying, “Yeah, it’s a ring; I’m married”. After the disillusionment of my New Year’s kiss wore off I turned down his invitation to join him back at his office. A business card, a call me, and a hug
later, I rode in the cab home still not sure of the ramifications of his and my actions. It wasn’t until a year later that I ran into him at a skating event. Not recognizing him, (possibly because of my soberness) I almost passed by without a hello. He grabbed my shoulder and with a wink he said, “What’s going on, Nikki?” After catching up for a couple minutes, I learned that he was recently divorced and without his job at the music store. I hadn’t felt such an unsettling feeling since the prior February when I had met Trent.

Trent was fun. I met him at my brother’s house during a birthday party for a mutual friend. Once again, I was drunk and on the prowl. I noticed Trent by the pool, drinking a Corona without a lime. If that wasn’t weird enough, he was by himself. We quickly got into a conversation about what was more fun to watch; skate boarders’ crazy ground tricks or the height they got in the air. (Don’t make fun; remember I told you we were drunk). After talking to him for a couple hours, I realized that I really like him. Not in the hot, hot passionate sense, that was there too; but in the I-could-see-myself-with-him sense. After saying goodbyes, and hugging my brother farewell, we headed back to my place. The next morning I walked him to his car, and with a romantic kiss goodbye, he sped away. “I will not be the pursuer this time,” I remember telling myself. A couple days of staying true to me paid off. He called. Granted, it was at 1:30 in the morning, but who cares, he wanted me, BAD. He came over and we had a great time. This continued for about a month until one day he didn’t call. One day soon turned into one week, and then one month. After a while, I had somewhat forgotten about Trent and all of the confusion that went along with His memory. That is, until I was at another of my brother’s parties and my friend Jess asked her boyfriend what was going on with Trent and how he and his girlfriend were doing. With a few snickers from others exclaiming they couldn’t believe they had been together for over a year now, I shrunk lower in my chair.

All I could do was push my jaw back up and think, “Poor girl, I’ve seen it happen before,” as I brought the bottle back up to my embarrassed mouth.

You see, these are just a couple stories from my treasure box of cheating men. There are more in there, and if we all had time, I’m sure we could sit and talk for hours about all the miserable men out there who just need to bring others down with their lies and trickery. However, even as I write this almost two years later, I feel exhausted with emotion and regret.

I could live an eternity feeling sorry for myself and the girls in relationships that have no idea who the love of their life really is.

Take it from somebody who has had her share of stories and jokes about these evil people—it takes more energy to hate and regret than it does to not get yourself in these predicaments in the first place. No matter how strongly you feel in your heart that this could be the one (your next boyfriend), take proper precautions. It doesn’t matter how jaded and cynical you may feel. It’s a lot better to appear to be those things, than to actually be them....

Nikki Gal